3 Phases of Jenni

 I made a thing. It's been a long time since I made a thing. I feel pretty good about it.

I was inspired by the symbol of the Triple Goddess, representing the phases of maiden, mother, and crone. As I enter my crone phase, I'm summoning the wisdom and perspectives of my two previous phases.

The maiden image, in the top left, is a photo of me at 14 years old. I was out with friends in Harvard Square dancing to street musicians and feeling free. This was before my first depressive episode. I was an earnest young person, optimistic, and really rather obtuse to how painful and constricted my life could become. 

The mother image, in the center of the piece, is a selfie of me and my son when he was four years old. We're in the car heading home from our first trip to the pumpkin patch. Becoming a mother was a difficult transition for me. He came at a time when I thought my life was finally going to be my own, again. I was planning for a career that would draw on my creativity and independence. But, becoming a mother also saved my life in that I committed to treating my mental health as a priority, started therapy and medications, and learned how and why to self-regulate.

The crone image, in the bottom right, is a photo of me in my late forties. Perimenopause is simmering throughout my body. I sense that I'm on a cusp of being myself and doing my life in ways that are new to me. I try to imagine what is on the other side of "empty nest" when my son is more independent. I don't expect to simply revert back to an old self - feeling carefree and energetic or driven to make my own way. Although I am optimistic and I do want to create. Mostly, I think this next phase is an integration, alchemy, gestalt, of who and how I've been before seasoned generously with the wisdom of lessons learned, the courage to hope, and the choices I make.